Author: Creativity As Practice

My Dad, a psychologist, asks, “What is your favorite misery? You’ll know because you feel it most often.”

Mine must be uncertainty and then overcoming uncertainty. The thing about uncertainty is “nothing can be done” so in a way you are off the hook. By the same token if “nothing can be done” certainly I can’t do the “wrong” thing. But uncertainty is also hell. I wish I knew….. what action to take, which outcome to expect, where to commit and invest my time for the BEST result. And then there is the part that I love the blank canvas.  I love limitless possibility and potential.  In these states, the cousin of “nothing can be done” lives.  She is called, “no decision need be made yet” and feels like the summer breeze of anything is possible! You are seeking and you are finding, one day you’ll be an architect the next a massage therapist. Why not?! I love it all. While breathing in everything is possible I feel free. The minute I commit, I know, there is work to be done, steps to be taken and for what? There are no guarantees, everything comes with a level of risk. So why decide, why begin…. and so….I spend a lot of my life in this state of uncertainty. The trouble is I’m never satisfied. I am always seeking. I never arrive. I never settle down. I spend more time unhappy than satisfied and at peace. I spend more time looking than accepting. I spend less time in a state of peace. And yet, with this mode I also am open, and I create unique and marvelous experiences, or …. I find them because I’m looking. This is not good or bad.  This mode of being does and doesn’t serve me. My awareness in this moment is just to know who is driving the bus. It is “no decision need be made yet”. Ah yes, I know you. I’ve ridden with you many times over the years. And I am aware I’m nearing the time to get off the bus and check out the area, so we will be parting soon, and I will come to know other parts of me with other mottos.  Thank you for your diligence, your consistency and getting me this far. May I soon be blessed with a resonant feeling so I know my stop when I see it.

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